"One Path" For Refugee Health Care

To protect the health of all Canadians and because it's the right thing to do, Canada's government has restored and expanded an interim federal health program directed at incoming refugees.  The program will cover medical exams, vaccinations, disease outbreaks in refugee camps, medical support during travel to Canada, prescription drugs, vision care, and urgent dental care.  This will help take care of the needs of Canada's many new arrivals, including rejected claimants and immigration detainees. 

The program will go into effect on April 1 of this year, with further coverage added on April 1 of next year.

Eliot

"I must introduce a parenthetical protest against the abuse of the current term 'social justice'. From meaning 'justice in relations between groups or classes' it may slip into meaning a particular assumption as to what these relationships should be; and a course of action might be supported because it represented the aim of 'social justice', which from the point of view of 'justice' was not just. The term 'social justice' is in danger of losing its rational content—which would be replaced by a powerful emotional charge. I believe that I have used the term myself: it should never be employed unless the user is prepared to define clearly what social justice means to him, and why he thinks it just."

-T.S. Eliot, Notes Towards the Definition of Culture

Squalid migrant camp given Shakespeare

300 cold and confused migrants who came to the grim "jungle" of Calais in hopes of sneaking into England have been treated to a performance of the Bard's work.  Although most were unfamiliar with Shakespeare, they cheered and laughed.  All involved were culturally enriched.

Asterisks Outlawed

A lynch mob has formed around an Arizona school, demanding justice after some silly girls implied a bad word with the letters on their shirts.

A portion of the message "BEST * YOU’VE * EVER * SEEN * CLASS * OF * 2016" rearranged themselves into "NI**ER," to send a funny picture to the black boyfriend of one of them.  In the original image where their faces are not blurred, the white girls are seen laughing and enjoying themselves, no doubt reveling in their privilege and hate.

Although the girls cannot strictly be said to have spelled anything at all, commentators are convinced the witches have cast the most evil spell imaginable.  Although the administration gave each of the perpetrators a five day suspension, that is not enough.

One student said on Twitter, "I got suspended for 5 days because I was tardy over 25 times. Glad racism is viewed just as important as punctuality," showing just how severely the offensive Snapchat post has disrupted classes at Desert Vista High School.

Although no member of the school's faculty was aware of the image before it was posted, an online petition has been started demanding the principal be fired and the girls expelled.

To show the censored joke intended for a specific person is not reflective of their school's values, the Black Student Union assembled a group of white and black students under the banner, "#thunderstrong," which means something.

Clever Science Man Says We're All Doomed

Stephen Hawking has warned a schoolboy that the human race will surely face global disaster, "in the foreseeable future."  Whether by means of genetically-engineered viruses, nuclear war, or global warming, we stand a reasonable chance of being wiped out entirely thanks to our own overreaching hubris.

"Most of the threats we face come from the progress we’ve made... We are not going to stop making progress," opined Hawking.

Stephen Hawking is a professor.

Refugees Rescued Woman From Refugees

It has emerged that a 27-year-old American neuroscience student was protected from being sexually assaulted by Syrian refugees by Syrian refugees.

On New Year's Eve in Cologne and other European cities, hundreds of young male economic migrants from North Africa and the Middle East abused, assaulted, robbed or raped at least a hundred young European women.  Europe has learned the expression "taharrush gamea" for what is apparently a phenomenon not without precedent in the Islamic world.  In this case fireworks were used to distract the crowd, and premeditated posses surrounded vulnerable women to assault them.

Thankfully one group created a protective cordon around one woman to prevent her from being raped.  This demonstrates that not all Muslims are bad people, thereby negating any possible concern about cultural incompatibilities.

British Curry Crisis

The CBC reports that the venerable British tradition of Indian curry is under threat, and only more immigration will sustain it.

"If the curry industry dies, what happens?" asked Azmal Hussein, who recently had to close one of his restaurants. "A lot of people will suffer."

"The British people love curry," said Oli Khan, vice-president of the Bangladesh Caterers Association. "But we're not sure they will want to pay higher prices for it."